hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
