I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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