fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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