I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This show inspires me to have sex in space
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
