ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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