True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
