it's like iHOP with fire
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
