new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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