Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize