You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
