dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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