I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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