saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
