Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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