pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
