first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
