Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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