Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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