Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
did i walk over a car last night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
