i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
