She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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