just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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