If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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