My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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