I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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