I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
