Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
