If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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