It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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