The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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