i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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