Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
