dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize