The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
