I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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