sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
