i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
