There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
did i just pee glitter
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
