Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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