she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize