can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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