It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He kissed a someone with a penis
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
