I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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