Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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