Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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