Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
