Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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