I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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