do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
