I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
