# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize