and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
