are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
