can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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