i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You did what with his pubic hair?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
