Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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