People with herpes should wear stickers.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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