You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
