I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
