I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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