Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
