with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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