And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
