The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
