Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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