she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
