you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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